I feel like I am developing strong resentment these days. Whenever you are in my life, I feel like there is a heavyweight on me, a burden on my back that tempts me to mask up and hide away from my authentic self. I feel as though you don’t like me or my presence anymore — but I can’t tell if I am projecting that onto you because I have shown you sides to me that I, myself, don’t like.
I want things to flow in my life. I can’t tell if I have outgrown you — or if we are in two completely different phases in our lives, but I can’t keep this going. I feel that with every fibre in my being. When you aren’t around, I can feel the fresh air, I feel relief, I feel ease. And when you come back in, I feel anxious, tight-chested and on edge.
A deep part of me wishes that this is just a rough patch and that we end up growing bigger than ever — but I genuinely don’t feel like that will happen. I feel as though we are done, and that we are still trying to resuscitate something that is already dead. I feel like we are at a dead-end, and unless you pull in your weight in rectifying this situation — I am done and I am at a point where I will actually hate you.
I have particular needs and I feel like they are chronically unmet by you. You rarely talk to me, you don’t see me, I just don’t see the value in this anymore. I don’t want to get excited over the bare minimum — a reply back, small reciprocations — nah I want depth, I want closeness, I want your companionship. And if you won’t give that to me, then you are free to go. Because I can’t handle the weight of life with you in it.
I deserve better. I deserve more than this. I want more than this.
