Heya, so today I’ll dump everything into this post.
These past few weeks have been quite chaotic. I mean, to start, I think that I’ve finally settled into my PGCE. It’s such a great feeling to finally feel comfortable and at home with what I am currently pursuing. It’s taken a lot of prayers and a lot of patience to get to this point, but alhamdullilah. I am finally able to feel present and at rest with where I am.
Initially, though, I had a breakdown. I had my breakdown at the start of November, where I experienced, what I know now as a “wobble”. I went through this stage where I exploded, and I felt so annoyed at everyone and everything. I think it was because I spent a good 4 weeks feeling out of place and unsupported — and the day after I exploded, I spoke to so many people. I reached out to my university supervisor, my school assistant headteacher, my class teacher and my coursemates. They all reassured me and helped me get to the bottom of what’s happened.
Let me tell you the full story of what happened. I never wanted to go into EYFS — I had applied for Y1–6. But for my first placement, I was placed in Reception which was a huge shock to my system. It shocked me because it was a vast contrast to where I was at a few weeks before that — in Year 7 as an LSA/TA. I was not familiar with this play-based curriculum whatsoever, and so I felt as though I was being a TA instead of a class teacher.
However, as I addressed this to my support system, they were able to support me and give me the right boost that I needed. But before that, my last straw was when my class teacher contracted COVID (and I wasn’t told until later) and I was placed in pre-school (2 year olds). To be fair, I felt quite exploited in that moment and I then spent the whole day crying uncontrollably. I cried in three different situations because of how exploited I felt. I’m doing a PGCE! I’m paying for this course. So to be used in pre-school and me not developing any skills was painful to see. So I advocated for myself and I complained. For some quick context, they intended for me to be in there for a week, but I couldn’t do that so I protested. They quickly put me back into my Reception class where I was pushed to learn more.
Since then, I have thoroughly enjoyed Reception as I’ve taken on more teacher roles. I take the morning register, I read to the whole class, I mark books, I help with assessment, I attend staff training days — I no longer feel out of place. I have also spoken to the headteacher and she was very understanding as well.
I am finishing next week and it is looking interesting! My first formal SE1 (school experience) observation was really nice! I taught Phonics for that session, and some of my favourite comments from my supervisor was “Faiza has a good rapport with the children and they seek her out in the classroom and interact with her”; “Faiza has established good working relationships with the staff team”; “Faiza is able to engage in a professional dialogue with all the people involved in the placement”; “When she is working with the children, she brings out good learning”.
This feedback is so profound to me, and I can only thank God. Alhamdullilah that Allah has gotten me through the struggles and I feel at ease now, as I approach the end of my first placement.
