There were two moments within my PGCE that stood out to me. The first was when I decided to get my COVID jab during the first week of my PGCE, and the second was when I fell sick during my second week of placement (I had a really bad flu to the point where I had lost my voice).
In those moments, I had experienced warmth from my peers which I never anticipated. During my first week of placement, I met a whole world of people. I got to hear their different stories and their journeys towards getting to this path. I have listened to people speak about their birth stories, their family situations, pregnancy scares that concerned them in whether they’ll be able to pursue this PGCE — stories about people fleeing from different countries, and coming here and creating a brand new life here… I’ve also heard stories of guys pursuing this PGCE — one was at retirement age and wanted to pursue a new fulfilling career, one was deaf and wanted to become a deaf teacher, and one was a graphic designer who is aspiring to specialise in Art in the long-term.
I naturally embraced all their stories and marveled in the ways in which we have all walked through different paths and are now at the same juncture, hoping to become Qualified Teachers.
Although I had gotten along with all these different people, I didn’t develop a strong connection with them all. But in that first week, I experienced something wonderful. I took the second dose of my COVID jab on Tuesday the 7th of September 2021, (my first full week of the course, but my second week at uni) and I fell sick. I ended up having the WORST fever ever, I experienced chills, headaches, everything. I couldn’t attend my lectures and I was genuinely nervous about missing out. There were two amazing girls that I had met because we were assigned a task to do — who realised that I was missing from my lectures. One of them messaged me with a simple message: “Hey darling, how you doing, I haven’t seen you today x”. But it was this message that touched my heart the most, because I felt seen. My course, at that time, had around 100+ students, and we hadn’t yet been grounded in terms of friendship groups, simply because there were too many people to meet. But the fact that this girl noticed that I wasn’t there made me feel something. She then decided to go above and beyond in updating me with all the tasks that they had completed. Her generosity and her selflessness drew me to her — and I will forever be filled with gratitude for her kindness. My other coursemate, she was particularly helpful as she had gone through this process last year, and had a wealth of knowledge and experience with regards to managing this PGCE. She interrupted her PGCE year last year due to circumstances relating to COVID, and so she is in the process of doing the year again with us. This girl has an amazing way of making me feel like I can persevere through this year, and when I missed out on my course, she too, held me up and uplifted me.
Shortly thereafter, I started to feel this sense of dread and panic about the PGCE. I felt as though I was behind, and that I had made the wrong decision. I’d constantly shift between wishing I was at my old job, and wishing that this year would be done. My mind was racing, I was trying to do everything possible to avoid experiencing this discomfort. I hated my present moment, and I felt particularly overwhelmed with this transition phase. I think that I felt this way because I didn’t have much of a break between my last role, and my current role (1 week to transition) and I was therefore in the process of missing my last job (as it was a supportive environment) and wishing that I had my own classroom already. But, the biggest lesson that they have taught me that day was to fully live in the present and take things day by day. One girl said, “Stop thinking about the past and the future. You are here right now, take this moment in”. Then, they have both also pep talked me about maintaining boundaries in terms of information overload and comparison— they said: “stop looking at what other people have and haven’t done — focus on yourself and your own professional growth. You have gotten into this course because there is something in you that can do this — so keep pushing. You have Allah, Allah will make things easy for you, so trust that”.
And so I took on that advice. A few weeks later, I fell sick again. This time, I took my time in terms of not shaming myself for not being “productive”. I called up my placement school and told them that I feel sick, and I went about my day. That break ended up being a whole week long, and I started to feel unproductive, and so I went to uni on a Friday, because it would have been only 3 hours long. However, during that lecture, I ended up having a bad coughing fit, and my peers supported me. The same two girls decided to go and surprise me with warm food and tea, and ensured that I was taking care of myself. I am eternally grateful for these girls, and I pray that Allah rewards them both for their efforts.
