Upon entering into adulthood, I realized that I had been applying a ton of pressure upon myself to have my life figured out. I had been relying upon the arbitrary timelines that I had created for myself when I was younger, and I had thus subjected myself to such impossible and unrealistic standards. I had, what Carol Dweck would call, a fixed mindset. I would often limit my opportunities, often to that which I could understand and perceive in line with society’s expectations; I would have a strong desire to look smarter than I actually was (this was fuelled by my ego) and I would indirectly feel threatened by other people’s successes (often by acting inwards and being super self-critical). This became super draining for me and I knew that I needed to make a change.
I recently cracked the code when I started my journey as a primary school teacher. I was placed within a Reception class, and I was tasked with the role of teaching 30 of these tiny human beings who are just experiencing life and learning for the first time. This was initially quite challenging as this was their first encounter with learning big topics, and this was also my first time teaching (and working within Early Years) Upon observing them, I had learned a few things that I felt would also assist me in my journey as an early adult. Most of them had a growth mindset, and children have a lot more resilience
Use your adulthood as an opportunity to be more flexible and free-flowing. When I was teaching my Reception class, creating resources that would facilitate intentional, high-quality play was at the heart of my teaching. Children in Reception learn mainly from having a play-based curriculum and this is where they get the chance to explore their environment and have a wider understanding of how things feel and work. Once they are well-acquainted with their environment, this sets the foundation for them to be able to access the rest of school education. Play is at the core of reinforcing the information that they have learnt (like how the theory of science, for example, is backed and consolidated by practicals)
Similarly, in early adulthood, we may have only just moved away from education, into the real world, and the removal of the scaffolds of education may feel quite daunting. You may encounter a lot of feelings of instability and you may not realise that this is due to the removal of this scaffold. You may panic and you may feel as though adulthood is daunting, but that is often because we assume that we should have things figured out by the end of our academic life. What they don’t tell you though, is that the end of your academic life marks the beginning of learning rather than the end.
This is a good opportunity to note that your scaffolds have been removed. Realizing that can help you go and seek out relevant support to center and ground you back into a confident adult. Early adulthood is an important time to ask questions and to continue learning. Allow yourself to have a teachable spirit, as we are the technically babies of adulthood. We have a long way to really adjust to adulting and learning how to deal with the responsibility of having more agency over our lives. Allow yourself to read, and build yourself a unique curriculum by which you will navigate your adult life. Put in resources — such as books, podcasts, in-person mentorship (for areas such as careers, education, religion, relationships, friendships etc) and create your own curriculum which will make you feel safer as an adult. Have a reading list, journal about who you would like your future self to be and allow yourself to dream. Be free and be creative. Allow yourself to learn and unlearn, and realise that adulthood is in your hands.
Allow yourself to feel emotions just as you would when you were young and learning. It is okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to not know everything. It’s okay to feel like a mess. It’s also important that you let yourself cry and move forward. Keep pushing and don’t wallow in the past woes. In the same way a child will cry about making a mistake and then try again, you too can do that. And in the same way a child grants themselves the opportunity to start again every day, you should also let yourself not be bound by the past.
You can grow into a healthy, happy adult. Seek those who would like to model, and learn from them. Education and learning is based on the modelling and guidance of those who have walked the same path, so allow yourself to learn. You do not have to reinvent the wheel! You will be okay.
